June 20th, 1990 was one of the better days for the Nakata family, for that day, little Kuya was born and welcomed into the world. Another boy, his father couldn't be more proud! His mother was doped up good but still, very happy to have another child to love and raise. On a normal day, Kichiro Nakata at work while Mina stayed at home with her two boys, times weren't so good. Money wasn't plentiful and children had needs. There was love though, smiles and happiness, and that seemed to outweigh the bad times that financial hurt can cause. One's idea of 'worst' can always be outdone, though. A few weeks after Kuya's third birthday, Mina became sick and naturally, her husband insisted she go in to see a doctor and find out what was wrong. She didn't want to give anything to her children, of course. The doctor sent her home, saying it was just a cold and it would clear up on its own within a few weeks if she took the medicine he gave her. She didn't get better, though. She got worse as the weeks went on and ended up in the hospital and there is where she died, September 2nd, 1993. Kuya was too young to understand what was going on so all he knew was that his mom had disappeared and he wanted her to come back. Their father put up a brave front and returned right to work, he couldn't afford to not be working, and never really spoke about it. None of them did. From that moment on, Deki, Kuya's older brother, took Kuya under his care and watchful eye.
Kuya grew up as normal as one without a mother can, attending school, making friends, eating dinner around a table with his father and big brother. There always seemed to be an awkward air around the table whenever it got quiet, as if there were things they all needed to say but wouldn't. Kuya had very few memories of his mother and his first thought was never 'hey, let's talk about mom!', especially when his father was present. Kuya listened well to his brother and was often quiet around their father. It was a habit, whether it was bad or not, he couldn't tell, but it had stuck. He loved his father but there was too much unspoken between the three of them that there would always be an invisible barrier keeping them that much apart for as long as they let it. Those moments of secret feelings and untold emotions were the bad times growing up. It wasn't necessarily harder to make ends meet, especially since Deki started working once he turned 14, but there were few laughs, not that many smiles, except when it was just the two boys. Kuya was always laughing, smiling, enjoying life. Deki was his best friend and his caretaker and he always made sure Kuya had everything he needed. Don't be fooled into thinking he never made Kuya do anything against his will because he did. He made sure he did his homework, he made him attend church, he did his best to teach him acceptable mannerisms, and other things to help Kuya function in society. It was a big responsibility for someone so young but Deki was up for the task; he honestly had no choice.
When Deki finished up school, of course he had his own dreams of getting his own place, working for himself, maybe even going to college, but he put those dreams aside for Kuya. He was only 13 at the time and despite the situation, Kuya was still much like a child. He didn't do much for himself, aside from getting himself places from time to time. He knew how to use public transportation and he would occasionally go to the local market and pick up a few things, he would make dinner sometimes, but his mentality was still that of a child and Deki didn't feel like the younger of the two was ready to be alone with their father. Kuya was a happy, optimistic, friendly kind of person and his father was the opposite. He was a kind, good man, but his days of being happy for no reason were over. Kuya didn't understand why sadness had to hang around their household but he did everything he could to make it a more happy place. He convinced his father and brother to let him get a puppy, which he had to give away two months later because it kept going to the bathroom in the house and his father wasn't going to have it. Kuya had quite a few friends in school and he stayed at their houses every so often. As long as he got the okay from Deki, it was normally okay with his father as well. They kind of worked as one parental unit, even though Kuya only listened to Deki, usually. Kuya didn't once think he was ever selfish, but as the two boys grew older, it was plain to see why his brother stayed at a crappy job, why he didn't go after the things he really wanted. He made his brother take him everywhere, get him everything, and even though Deki never complained, it wasn't how he imagined life. It wasn't Kuya's fault he was motherless and needed this kind of nurturing, and it certainly wasn't Deki's or their father's fault either, but he was the way he was and change didn't seem to be in the cards.
Fate played a big hand in the biggest change in Kuya's life, and his brother's determination to better his own and Kuya's life became the second biggest change. Deki made the decision to go away, to travel to a different country, to continue his schooling. Did Kuya whine and beg him not to go? Of course he did. He spent weeks and weeks pleading with his brother to not leave him and even though Deki was broken up inside about leaving his baby brother, he knew he had to. For both their sakes. He wasn't willing to leave Kuya in the care of their father, though. He was a good provider as far as bringing in money was concerned, but Kuya would spend so much time alone that he'd probably go crazy. Their father traveled often for his job and had lost himself in his work, in drinking as well, and it wasn't that he thought he'd hurt or neglect Kuya in any way, at least not on purpose, he was just overprotective of the one he'd been taking care of since he was eight years old, so Deki thought up the best plan he could. He would ask his best of friends to watch over his baby brother until he returned.
Kuya barely knew
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taesu. He knew he was a good friend of his brother's, he knew he was a model and wasn't from Japan, and he knew he was conceited (didn't models have to be?). It didn't matter if he was a nice guy or not, he was a friend of Deki's and friends took time away from Kuya and he was greedy when it came to his brother. When Deki told Kuya 'the plan' for after he left, he nearly had an aneurysm. Did his brother hit his head or something? This wasn't a cute love/hate relationship when it came to Tai, he honestly didn't like the guy. He never was upfront about it because Deki really seemed to be close with this boy but he was sure Deki could tell how he felt; Kuya could never hide his feelings well. "It's the best way to do this," Deki said. Kuya didn't see that at all and fought tooth and nail against it. He trusted his big brother though, no matter what that meant he'd have to do, so eventually, he gave up the fight and let it happen.
Leaving the home he'd grown up in to stay in some stranger's apartment wasn't the hardest transition Kuya had to go through. He didn't feel like anyplace was home without Deki, so getting used to being without the most important person in his life took a while. Mid-February, Deki left for a brighter future and Kuya spent his first night alone in his new bedroom. It was a nice space, he couldn't say it was a dump, but it just wouldn't feel right for a while. A week or so in and he finally spoke somewhat nicely to his new host. Or is roommate a better term? Caretaker? He didn't really need a caretaker anymore, he just assumed Deki didn't want him to be alone so much. Kuya decided to make the best of a bad situation and be at least friendly to his brother's friend, maybe give him a chance. He did take him in, after all, even if Kuya was kind of forced into it. It just wasn't the same and even now, in the present, two months into this new arrangement, Kuya misses his brother more than words could say.
( wish i were with you, i couldn't stay. every direction leads me away. pray for tomorrow, but for today, all i want is to be home. stand in the mirror, you look the same, just looking for shelter, from cold and from pain. someone to cover, safe from the rain. all i want is to be home. echoes and silence, patience and grace, all of these moments i'll never replace. no fear of my heart, absence of faith. all i want is to be home. all i want is to be home. people i've loved have no regrets, some might remember, some might forget. some of them livin', some of them dead, all i want is to be home. )
